Here Is the Reason

"I don't think you've ever been a victim, Lettie."

One line.

Just one line this frustrating character says and I fall completely in love with him!

I have verged on hating and loving this man for so long, that I even deny the fact that this line can be the breaking point. What is this? 101 pages in and finally he starts to become someone to actually care about. Ugh, the slow build in writing Blue's character has been challenging. Most of it frustrating wondering how anyone could fall for this guy.

His observant line changes everything. It beats out all the nasty things he's said or done or even tried to do. And now I get it. He's not helping her at all. He's just making her see her true potential. Unintentionally I might add.

I haven't even gotten to the action stuff. I'm predicting at least 300 pages here.

Hate And Love

I really do hate him.

I also really do love him as well.

And I hate that I love and hate him all at once.

While writing this yet to be named novel I have found myself both infatuated and in a a horrible hatred of my lead male character. I think the hatred might steam from not understanding him or his motives yet. He says the stupidest things to my main character that just baffle me to no end. All the while I keep thinking: Who does this guy think he is? He can't talk to her that way!

Yet he continues to do so. Bless my main character for putting up with him this long. Yes I'm only at 58 pages and already characters are turning on me.

I also think he's unbareable to me because he keeps interrupting my main character. His first point in the novel is to make her life complicated, he's the conflict, the plot, yet some how I keep routing for her to be rid of him. I don't know how they're ever going to fall for each other.

That brings me to the love point. I really do like that he pushes her buttons. He's different from anyone else in the story. He's got his masks on and I still haven't figured out the truth and the lies. I DON'T KNOW MY OWN CHARACTER! No idea what his motives are, his background, why he hides certain things about himself yet doesn't hide the bad things. He's just very strange and a bit mad to me.

But yes I like him. I completely like him, though the word love isn't coming into my mind at the moment. Still need some time to fall in love with him. Right now I'm existing in the world of my main character who's just perplexed by how wrong he is, but how good he can be.

The Beginning of the End or . . . The Beginning

I don’t why it happened, but this morning I started off with the idea of writing a romance novel on the Great Depression involving a widow tracking across the country to go back home to her family, but not before encountering a dashing young man who happens to witness her murder a hobo on a train.

Oh so deliciously interesting right?    

It's almost midnight now and the sinking feeling that bouncing around between homework, reading, and working on my internship has mixed in with nearly forty pages of a novel. I don't think I have written that many pages in a long time. Certainly not that many pages in one sitting. I can't really put my finger on why all these characters and situations just seem to flow out of my fingertips without much effort. 

Maybe it's because I've decided to throw caution to the wind and not really care whether this book is marketable or even if anyone else wants to read it.

I want to read it. 

I want to know what happens next to these characters I made. And they won't let me know until I start writing. I love the fact that I killed a character off in the first sentence and then immediately fell in love with him! Of course I would do that to myself. Unlike many of the characters I wrote my main character (mc) is actually likeable. She's a strong woman who finally finds herself in the death of someone she loved very much. 

In a way this novel has become almost like therapy. Every word is something that is important to me, from the grieving process, abandonment, the need to go home,  love, good food, cooking, and the lack of funds. 

I think what makes this (currently untitled) project so compelling to me is that I really don't know what the heck is gonna happen next! I have a vague idea of certain connections between people, but that certainly changed the minute another character I planned to be this awesome romantic lead showed up. In truth, he's kind of a jerk, well that's not a stretch as most romantic men turn out that way, but he's verging on rude at some points and my beautifully wonderful MC knows when to pick her battles. The fact that I don't have an outline for this novel means one thing . . . it feels like I'm reading or experiencing this book rather then writing it. 

That feeling is new to me. Mostly I will do an outline, know every little detail of everyone's life, before I sit down to write. The sitting down part usually never happens and I'm left with an awesome outline, but no completed work to show for it. With this novel I had no idea what was happening besides the idea of starting off the novel with a death, the time period, and three characters. From there on it flowed from me. I found my main character and I found what made her tick, but not everything, not yet. I don't even have a name for one of my characters!

I'm just excited to see where this goes because right now I feel like a reader of my own story!